Dissatisfaction

Life likes to make a fool out of you.
It taunts you, it misleads you... it jeers at you.

It makes you work 1/4 of your life in the pursuit of something you imagined could give you what you need.
And when you finally get it, all you get, one hour of euphoria followed by a sinking feeling...

The lies, the meaningless activities... the aversion to anything hackneyed... the building up of something that i am not even sure really exists. What lies beneath all that? Even the way i think has been changed.
Was it worth it?

How could i have been so lost in the search for something so ephemeral...so temporal...

Bloody rant. I'm sorry for having to put the invisible readers of my blog through this.

China

I'm terrified. Now that its definite.. i'm terrified...

My China is now cast in concrete.

I'm terrified... Terrified of being one face in one.three.billion others...
Terrified of being in a place where i fade into insignificance... where the biggest cities boast 15 million and the smallest, at least a million more than my beloved Singapore...

Perhaps in China, i will know the true meaning of anonymity. Perhaps in China, i will find my other... Perhaps in China, i will realise the true worth of my existence...Perhaps in China, i will find the image of my back..receding into the distance.

Perhaps in China, i will find striking majesty that possess the power to change among the grey industrial multitudes.

Perhaps in China, i will really live out my nightmare...I will walk down the supermarket isles paralysed with fear, paranoid about the chemical content behind each brightly packaged box. Finally succumbing...and imbibing...for greater fear of starvation.

China China... i'm coming...