Friday, 31 October 2008

Love-the realization of it

When i was a few years younger in age and several years younger in thought. (or so i would like to think), i told myself that the day i fell in love with somebody, I'd know by the following scene...

A bus stop: I wait as usual for my bus after a long tiring day in school. Beside me stands, oh so wonderfully the object on whom my love is to be tested. Rather than hoping my bus comes before his (as i always do with my friends), i would wish his comes before mine.
When/If that thought entered my mind, i would know that i was in love.

To understand the above, one must have a clear picture of the social strains accompanying waiting at a crowded bus stop outside a girls school. To wait alone, i am ashamed to say...was a very uncomfortable thing... especially when you are at the age of adolescence. Then i thought, when i was willing to put my discomfort above his, i would be in love.

Today, i have a different view. :) I'll know when I'm in love upon the onset of a strange phenomenon. But this test can only happen if he lives above me and we use the same lift. HAHAHA! the likelihood of that?!
Lets set the scene...

A Lift: I live on the 9th floor, the object lives on the 15th. Every time i get out of the lift, be it at the ground floor or my floor I'll press the button 15. Just so he'll have the lift waiting for him if he ever wants to get on.

And how has the maturity of my thought progressed? HAHAHA! But there is a difference... Its no longer self sacrifice, but a more sensible priority rearrangement and respect.

A square

In a square, wherever you face you will never be able to simultaneously see anything and everything at the same time. What stretches ahead is an incomplete 3/4 of picture. If we wanted to see everything, consider everything all at the same time, we'll have to make a super human effort to spin and twirl endlessly in the middle of the square. But the spinning will cause us to lose important details and compromise our ability to absorb what we see.

I have been burdened by the sheer amount of things to consider while living on this earth. I've been spinning and twirling, trying my utmost best to see and think about everything on all sides of the square. But I've never been able to do that... which irked me. But now, i realize that perhaps we are just not made to think about everything at once. We are limited as human beings... but that being our nature, perhaps its something we should accept and embrace. Maybe that's why specialists are paid more and the phrase "Jack of all trades master of none" used as a derogatory term. We are 1.6crop bodies...full frame may exist in cameras, but not in humans. Perhaps that is why "the dude" sent us all here with different purposes. Its like a puzzle... pieced together only at the end. That means we'll have to concentrate on our own pieces for fear we add a blotchy piece to the puzzle as we were too busy looking at and trying to comment on what other people were doing.

I'll stand still on my side of the square.

Monday, 27 October 2008

优生学对于残疾人士所提倡的方法

Let me share something with the chinese readers of my blog.
I would write the following in english. But i decided that its about time i learnt or tried to express some thoughts in chinese. Deepest apologies if your eyes are damaged after reading my clumsy inexpressive chinese... But one must always start somewhere.

今天的生命伦理课(Bioethics)使我恍然大悟。教授谈的是优生学(Eugenics)。其实我明白偏见在教伦理时是很难避免的。但是这位教授说的话使我浑身不安。她支持优生学,还说中国第一节的生育控制已经做完了。数量控制好了,现在要制质量。更让我吃惊的是她说第二节是随着新加坡的脚步执行的!但那不是今天的重题。只是说说让你们知道一下中国人是怎样看待新加坡的。

一直以来,我积极的支持实行优生学。因为我总是认为社会利益比个人利益更重要。如果优生学能提高人民的质量的话,为何不实施呢?但今天当教授讲到强制执行绝育,对缺陷胚胎执行安乐死时,我的心灵突然被恐惧的那双冰冷手扼住。中国这个国家一直偏向生育控制,他们的“一孩政策”是世界恶名昭著的。但少人知道的是这个政策到底执行到怎样的程度。一个好例子,有一段时间在甘肃省男女如果要结婚的话,不绝育(sterilise)是不能得到结婚证的。这我认为是已经违反生存的权利,反对人的自然过程。但是人口过剩也是一个很大的问题。我觉得凡事都要适度进行,“一孩政策”就够了,不应该强制执行绝育。而且,这还是执行在正常人生上!

能不能执行在残疾人士身上也是另一个问题。优生学提倡用避孕,人工流产,绝育的方式来除掉残疾者。赞成执行者常用的原因是残疾人士是社会,家庭和人群的负担。但我觉得这也不一定。我们不能忽略他们能带给社会的贡献。比如,有他们就能展出社会人性的一面,特别是在这种先进,迷恋金钱,冷酷无情的时代。而且,世界也有非常多残疾英雄,数也数不清。一些例子是Ludwig Van Beethoven, George Washington, Albert Einstein, Woodrow Wilson. 这样,怎能说残疾人士是负担呢?我对这方面没有研究,但是我觉得应该用利益来判断这个问题。实施优生学会不会带给残疾者和社会利益?如果一方得到利益,会不会伤害另一方的利益和生存的权利。而且,我们是否用正常人和残疾人士的两个角度和观点来做判断。我很想用 “容让别人,别人也会容让你” (live and let live)这句话来做个总结。但是我不能否定对于严重残疾者,可能执行优生学的方法利多余恶。

这只是我随便发出的一些观点。可能语文程度不够好,把意思表达错了。

Wednesday, 22 October 2008

hear a song, find a song, sing a song, feel a song

Bent-Matchbox 20

If I fall along the way
Pick me up and dust me off
And if I get too tired to make it
Be my breath so I can walk

If I need some other love
Give me more than I can stand
And when my smile gets old and faded
Wait around I'll smile again

Shouldn't be so complicated
Just hold me and then
Just hold me again

Can you help me I'm bent
I'm so scared that I'll never
Get put back together

You're breaking me in
And this is how we will end
With you and me bent

If I couldn't sleep could you sleep
Could you paint me better off
Could you sympathize with my needs
I know you think I need a lot

I started out clean but I'm jaded
Just phoning it in
Just breaking the skin

Can you help me I'm bent
I'm so scared that I'll never
Get put back together

You're breaking me in
And this is how we will end
With you and me bent

Start bending me
It's never enough
I feel all your pieces

Start bending me
Keep bending me until I'm completely broken in

Shouldn't be so complicated
Just touch me and then
Just touch me again

Can you help me I'm bent
I'm so scared that I'll never
Get put back together

You're breaking me in
And this is how we will end
With you and me bent

Can you help me I'm bent
I'm so scared that I'll never
Get put back together

You're breaking me in
And this is how we will end
With you and me bent

Monday, 20 October 2008

Nights lost

shoulder, face, elbow, arm, forearm, thumb, finger, body, pressed hard against the cold white expanse of wall. Skin pulled tight, squashed, contorted. Limbs huddled. Eye-patch over face.

Sunday, 19 October 2008

People people people

Thats nonsense. 疯了!is nonsense.
I am perfectly lucid. Therefore i shall change it to 烦死了!
For the sake of this blog, lets just add some funny things.

Let me share with you... people in my life, and people i've come across and took notice of.

leon
YY

Photos i took on trains. Unedited. For i am much too lazy.

Brendan


N112 Amanda, Delvina.

Okay. I'm tired. More to come.

Friday, 17 October 2008

疯了!疯了!疯了!疯了!疯了!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!HHHHH!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, 16 October 2008

you

And i filled your hole up with you, and yours with you. Then again i tried to fill you with you. Supplement you with you. I needed you to patch yours, and i needed you to be in you. You in you in you in you in you in you in you in you in you in you in you in you in you in you in you in you.

Saturday, 11 October 2008


Today, i sat with him and together we watched the grey move thick, dense, soft across the blue. Our hearts leaped together when silver triumphed...if but for a beat.

god

Thursday, 9 October 2008

The science of keeping Bananas fresh

To the good people who read this blog:

-Bananas cannot be kept in enclosed surfaces. They must be left to air and have little or no contact with any surface.

Learnt this from living without Riza! (for those who don't know, Riza is my dearest house help)

I shall share a ludicrous photo from the Xi'an trip.
Wedding photographers, prepare to be horrified... for THIS is how they take wedding photos in CHINA!


PP-ed it a little for dramatic effect. :P
Click to enlarge...check out their facial expressions! :D

Tuesday, 7 October 2008

Xi'an

After a bout of joyous posts below, here is the ugly side of life overseas.
Sure, the independence is great. If you live in somewhere huge like China, ever so often you would get the chance to run off to another part without burning too big a hole in your poor wallet.
But what happens when you are vulnerable, alone with your room-mate, and at the moment-inexperienced?

In Xi'an,

- Our hostel booked before hand, refused to accept us. At 4am, we were left without a place to stay during China's golden week. (For those who do not know, golden week is one of China's major holidays. The entire country flocks to tourist destinations during this week. The crowds are choking and accommodation... what a funny word!-it does not exist.)

-The taxi driver that finally found us a place to stay-note that it was the Presidential suite in some dingy hotel. Demanded an extra 100rmb on top of the taxi fare.

-Our money was repeatedly extorted by numerous kinds of transport. Cheating, refusing to run the meter, you name it, we probably went through it.

-In order to get to a waterfall on a mountain 6-7 hours by coach away from Xi'an, we had to buy illegal tickets as the ticket people refused to sell us tickets to seats on a HALF EMPTY BUS. The man who sold us illegal tickets was in cahoots with the bus driver. Together, they took our 100rmb note and exchanged it for a fake one. This unfortunate incident was only reported to us after we were about 30mins away.

-At the mountain, we were told that without enough people, they would not take us back down. We had to wait till the next morning. Note-once again, no accommodation.

-The bus driver then sent us to a dingy motel far from civilization, next to a construction site where they were taking mud out of the yellow river. 150rmb was the cheapest room. It should have been 50rmb in a place like that. Once again, cahoots.

-Stuck on the mountain, we lost the use of our 280rmb room back in the city. Why 280rmb room you ask? Once again, as it was golden week, we could not get train tickets back to Shanghai. Illegal ticket vendors refused to sell us our HARD SEAT tickets unless we paid for the 280rmb room.

-More more, so much more. I can't begin to describe the horror and dismay that engulfed us throughout the journey.

I would apologize for the lack of craft when writing this entry. However, this was exactly what it is. Ugly, brutal, matter of fact. Cheating.

I have come out of this a different traveler. One that does not trust. No one, anyone, everyone. Walking down the mountain road at night to our dingy motel, my greatest fear wasn't the impenetrable darkness or the chance of rocks tumbling down. No. It was the sound of human voices. A whisper, the flicker of light, even a footstep gripped me with fear. I was scared. Scared of people. People. My own kind. So scared of the very people i put on a pedestal and sought after.

But photos are never ugly are they? Now see the beauty that this country does not deserve.
.
.
.
I tried to find photos. I can't. The beauty is tainted.

Alison's Shanghai Life

Here are a few photos from my life in China:

My Room. :) Please note that the beds aren't so big. Its the distortion from my precious Sigma 10-20mm.
Guess which is my bed?

Our apartment. Yep, they isolate us from the local students. (留学生) means international students. Our apartment is located furthest north on the entire Fudan campus.

Fudan's Journalism block. I have my Chinese classes here. This picture is only here to showcase our primary form of transportation. Bicycles-自行车.

More to come! :)

A different traveller

This year has been a rather eye-opening one.
I've been to the wilds of Russia, visited the Red Square and had the incredible opportunity to meet wonderful people from all parts of the world.
I've scaled a mountain, felt euphoria and the deepest of despairs.
I've slept on trains, sat on trains, suffered on trains.
I've tasted Xi'an. Felt pain in Xi'an. Changed in Xi'an.
I'm in China.

This year hasn't ended...



Drinking vodka and eating meat with random Russians on the train.

Climbing the mountain-please note pained expression.

Battling the crowds in Xi'an.