Aren't they beautiful?
People are such odd things... we all possess such ability to shine.
Yet, time and time again all I see is the inherent darkness looming within.

I love you

I think whoever invented the idea of love just wanted to shut half the world up. Think about it.

These sets of people were having a conversation...

Christian to Person in need: God loves you. -------silence.

Girl to Boy (noncommittal): I love you. ---------silence

Boy to Girl (noncommittal): I love you. ---------silence

Parents to Teenager: I love you ----- silence

Person to Person: Good night! Bye! love! ----- silence

Humans to Pets: I love you.--------- silence

Thing is... We give too much priority and reverence to such an immeasurable thing like love. It has so much power and right that when once uttered, the other party can say nothing against it. What can you say against god's love or anyone else's love for that matter? You can't say NO! you don't love me! God doesn't love me... Because how can you know for sure? Asking why is just rude.
Its a conversation stopper because after being shoved these words, one isn't really inclined to continue the same conversation anymore... for what is left to be said? Perhaps full-stops should be in the shape of valentine hearts. How apt....

Parents

People like to blame their parents for the negative in who they were, who they have become and who they will grow up to be.

Its strange cause it seems as if our parents are the ones we find hardest to forgive. Their deceit, their mistakes, their flaws... For someone like me that never stops thinking, all that my parents did has been replayed thousands upon thousands of times in my mind, the reasons explored from an infinite amount of angles, the emotional pain of every lash experienced thousandfold. Perhaps its true. We do put the highest expectations upon those we love. I can't begin to explain the depth of feeling between my parents and I. The depth of misunderstanding, hatred, hidden grievances, simmering anger, disdain, grudges... the sorrow, the emptiness, the longing. For all that, there must be something... love may be the wrong word. But words like need and bond will be rightly used.

We really are tied to them by an inextricable bond. Not to say that it is good or bad, but it exists. So I guess it makes sense when everyone relates stuff back to their parents... But, I just feel the need to caution about it. Using our parents as an explanation for how messed up we are gives us a very convenient excuse to ignore the part we played, furthermore it removes the incentive for us to become better. Worse still, it sticks us in a trap which we can't get out of, one which our children will not be able to avoid as well.

random photo:

Bren looking very pretty at Ikea :)

Dilemma. I am really sick. I can't keep lying on my bed cause I've been sleeping for most of yesterday. Sleeping more just makes me feel more sick. The alternative is my hard wooden chair... which is making me hurt. God, I want a sofa.

Cardinal Cesare Baronius－ “The Bible tells us how to go to heaven, not how the heavens go."

That really makes sense. I have to stop confusing the word and science. Never knew what to believe. So, the earth is not thousands of years old.

This is a very random thought... But I always love the 3rd party in television shows.
I like rooting for the fella. Its a strange doomed hope that lasts all the way till the series ends, even then I still don't quite believe the ending. Why don't they win?

Love the rendition of "While my guitar gently weeps" by Martin Luther "M.L." McCoy. The soul he adds to it whoops the Beatles version on their nether regions.

Great song, Great lyrics.

I look at you all see the love there that's sleeping
While my guitar gently weeps
I look at the floor and I see it need sweeping
Still my guitar gently weeps

I don't know why nobody told you
how to unfold you love
I don't know how someone controlled you
they bought and sold you

I look at the world and I notice it's turning
While my guitar gently weeps
With every mistake we must surely be learning
Still my guitar gently weeps

I don't know how you were diverted
you were perverted too
I don't know how you were inverted
no one alerted you

I look at you all see the love there that's sleeping
While my guitar gently weeps
I look at you all
Still my guitar gently weeps

Oh, oh, oh
oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
oh oh, oh oh, oh oh
Yeah yeah yeah yeah
yeah yeah yeah yeah

－怕人询问，咽泪装欢 瞒！ 瞒！ 瞒！

当思喜在沉思凄美女人的命运和美德时，他脸上会出现这副表情。

我好希望有自己的世界。
奇怪
快乐
只有这两个性质就好了，其它我都不要。

The Killers have this awesome song -Human.
I guess all of us have heard it before... Still, songs have this miraculous ability to spark vividly when we are in the right state of mind for them.

One stanza goes as follows...

Pay my respects to grace and virtue
send my condolences to good
give my regards to soul and romance
they always did the best they could
and so long to devotion,
you taught me everything I know
wave good bye, wish me well

I can't explain the intoxicating lure of such words. Perhaps they were not meant to be read the way I interpreted them. Nevertheless, the image of saying a gracious goodbye to all things that keep us rooted and human holds such summon, such entreaty that I feel like violently flinging the shreds of my conscience up and away. Casting aside that bag of bricks to walk light, glistening and freely towards a new existence.

Being good and staying by him is so tiring because its impossible to be all that he wants us to be. How can we constantly strive for what is unattainable? Don't give me the "F" word because if I had it, I would not have uttered the previous statement. If most of what we rely on and insist upon is based on the "F" word, who are we then to doubt and judge people of other religions. They believe because of the very word that we throw around like rice at American weddings. When did it become okay to insist that everyone else is damned when what damns them is the same thing that we think saves us.

But, I've realized recently that some people just want to be left alone. It does not matter if there are holes in their belief, it does not matter if they don't understand. Perhaps these are the safest people. Comfort, contentment, different priorities. I'm starting to accept if not understand.

China is uninspiring. Shanghai more so. So much of a city, nothing is left but the dull glow of the light polluted sky, the ceaseless sound of construction works, the nomadic grey dust. Faces come and go, each one blending into the next. Hurray for my next 3 1/2 years. Even my pictures have become more dull...

My favourite picture of YY and Leon

Its the symmetry and well... the grace of it.

Trouble trouble. I'm in trouble. I'm in trouble. I'm in trouble.
I'm in trouble.
5 months is a long time.
Everywhere I go.
Everywhere I turn.
At fucking 2.30am at wanda at MACS! The devil is after me.
I swear. Its either in me. Or it wants to get me.
Torture torture. Torture. Torture. Torture,
This must be a test.
A torture test.
Torture.
Curse. Curse. Curse. Curse. Curse.
I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.
More, I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.

My unfortunate taste in the "darker" sex

For the umpteenth time, this phrase has been uttered to me... "I don't get it! Why him? Whats so good about him! He is ____, ____, ____!" Fill in the blanks. Perhaps it is true. I do have bad taste in men. Well, not necessarily bad taste... But not common. I don't go for the conventionally hot ones, the nice ones, the sweet ones. Instead, I'm always drawn to the ones who are significantly "Off" Haha! Sorry if any one of you erm... still read this blog hahaha! But still, they always need to have something wrong about them. Something socially unacceptable, something visibly hurt or disturbed...an awkwardness perhaps, complexity always.

The new guy has unfortunately broken all previous records. This one's arrogance is hated by my roomie and has chalked up the all time high score of being called detestable by my senior - In his face. It must be something to inspire UGH! sounds everytime your name is mentioned :) How fun!

Ahhh... But ignore all that, this post is for me to search within for a deeper underlying meaning. WHY? Why all these people that are so caught up in their own deformities, they will never truly notice me? Am I a hidden masochist? HAHA! well well well...

Thats's my expression now hehehe!

WOOHOO!

The unbearable lightness of being!

Sigh, When flights of joy have to be accompanied with depraved consequences...

I don't care! HAHAHAHA!