Thursday, 29 September 2011
Da Bomb
Inspired by the typhoon's gusty winds flapping my dress around like I am some superstar, I have decided to confess my deepest, darkest desire.
Are you ready?
.
.
.
.
.
Wait for it
.
.
.
.
.
I want someone to stop me on the road and go "Girl! You walk like You Da Bomb!"
Are you ready?
.
.
.
.
.
Wait for it
.
.
.
.
.
I want someone to stop me on the road and go "Girl! You walk like You Da Bomb!"
Tuesday, 27 September 2011
Poe's magic
To___.
by Edgar Allan Poe
Not long ago the writer of these lines,
In the mad pride of intellectuality,
Maintained
A thought arose within the human brain
Beyond the utterance of the human tongue:
And now, as if in mockery of that boast,
Two words, two foreign soft dissyllables,
Italian tones, made only to be murmured
By angels dreaming in the moonlit
Have stirred from out the abysses of his heart
Unthought-like thoughts, that are the souls of thought, --
Richer, far wilder, far diviner visions
Than even the seraph harper, Israfel
(Who has
Could hope to utter. And I -- my spells are broken;
The pen falls powerless from my shivering hand;
With thy dear name as text, though bidden by thee,
I cannot write -- I cannot speak or think --
Alas, I cannot feel; for 't is not feeling, --
This standing motionless upon the golden
Threshold of the wide-open gate of dreams,
Gazing entranced adown the gorgeous vista,
And thrilling as I see, upon the right,
Upon the left, and all the way along,
Amid empurpled vapors, far away
To where the prospect terminates -- thee only.
In the mad pride of intellectuality,
Maintained
the power of words-- denied that ever
A thought arose within the human brain
Beyond the utterance of the human tongue:
And now, as if in mockery of that boast,
Two words, two foreign soft dissyllables,
Italian tones, made only to be murmured
By angels dreaming in the moonlit
dew
That hangs like chains of pearl on Hermon hill,
Have stirred from out the abysses of his heart
Unthought-like thoughts, that are the souls of thought, --
Richer, far wilder, far diviner visions
Than even the seraph harper, Israfel
(Who has
the sweetest voice of all God's creatures),
Could hope to utter. And I -- my spells are broken;
The pen falls powerless from my shivering hand;
With thy dear name as text, though bidden by thee,
I cannot write -- I cannot speak or think --
Alas, I cannot feel; for 't is not feeling, --
This standing motionless upon the golden
Threshold of the wide-open gate of dreams,
Gazing entranced adown the gorgeous vista,
And thrilling as I see, upon the right,
Upon the left, and all the way along,
Amid empurpled vapors, far away
To where the prospect terminates -- thee only.
Monday, 19 September 2011
"I work to financially support my family."
Today in class, we discussed the idea of work and family as ikigai i.e. that which makes our life worth living.
We explored the link between love and money and how these seemingly disparate concepts are inextricably intertwined in our lives. Often, we place monetary values on things that should not have price tags. For example, life insurance, is money a consolation prize for the death of a parent, a sister, a spouse? Can we really put a value to the life of a human being? Dating is also an interesting practice. More often than not, the man pays for the entertainment and the woman is expected to reciprocate with love, or affection or even intimate relations.
We like to think nobly of ourselves, that we are ultimately motivated in our actions by love. Truth is, money is never far behind.
The conversation made me think of my maids. I had two in my life. Wilma, who was around till I was about 13 and Riza who only recently left. Wilma played the role of mother to me, whilst my own mother and father were working. She cooked my meals, brought me to school, took me roller blading and brushed away my tears when they fell. Wilma was not my mother though, she was someone that my parents spent an average of 700 dollars a month to play the role of caretaker, to assume the parental responsibilities that my parents were too busy working to take up.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not bitter and this is not a rant. In fact, I loved Wilma and my life is enriched for her presence in it. I'm just questioning the validity of the statement "I work to financially support my family." How many times have we heard that statement uttered. If so, then family and love seems to be the ikigai of these people. Why then do they spend so much time at work and so little time at home? Why do they use the money that they earned to hire someone else to spend time with and take care of their families, the very thing that is supposed to make their lives worth living? Especially since most of the families that hire maids are upper middle class and above, i.e. families that do not require the surplus cash that more time spent at work provides.
I don't deny though, that love as an excuse would make a lot of people feel much better about themselves. It's odd isn't it, we are socialised to value love and family above money and yet, we are also socialised under capitalism to evaluate social status using money.
All that said, I miss Wilma. I miss the woman that played the role of my mother for 12 years and then quit.
We explored the link between love and money and how these seemingly disparate concepts are inextricably intertwined in our lives. Often, we place monetary values on things that should not have price tags. For example, life insurance, is money a consolation prize for the death of a parent, a sister, a spouse? Can we really put a value to the life of a human being? Dating is also an interesting practice. More often than not, the man pays for the entertainment and the woman is expected to reciprocate with love, or affection or even intimate relations.
We like to think nobly of ourselves, that we are ultimately motivated in our actions by love. Truth is, money is never far behind.
The conversation made me think of my maids. I had two in my life. Wilma, who was around till I was about 13 and Riza who only recently left. Wilma played the role of mother to me, whilst my own mother and father were working. She cooked my meals, brought me to school, took me roller blading and brushed away my tears when they fell. Wilma was not my mother though, she was someone that my parents spent an average of 700 dollars a month to play the role of caretaker, to assume the parental responsibilities that my parents were too busy working to take up.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not bitter and this is not a rant. In fact, I loved Wilma and my life is enriched for her presence in it. I'm just questioning the validity of the statement "I work to financially support my family." How many times have we heard that statement uttered. If so, then family and love seems to be the ikigai of these people. Why then do they spend so much time at work and so little time at home? Why do they use the money that they earned to hire someone else to spend time with and take care of their families, the very thing that is supposed to make their lives worth living? Especially since most of the families that hire maids are upper middle class and above, i.e. families that do not require the surplus cash that more time spent at work provides.
I don't deny though, that love as an excuse would make a lot of people feel much better about themselves. It's odd isn't it, we are socialised to value love and family above money and yet, we are also socialised under capitalism to evaluate social status using money.
All that said, I miss Wilma. I miss the woman that played the role of my mother for 12 years and then quit.
Monday, 12 September 2011
Encompassing God
From Thomas Nagel - What does it all mean?
The appeal to a religious meaning of life is a bit different. If you believe that the meaning of your life comes from fulfilling the purpose of god who loves you, and seeing him in eternity, then it does not seem appropriate to ask, "And what is the point of that?" It's supposed to be something which is its own point, and can't have a purpose outside itself. But for this very reason it has its own problems.
The idea of god seems to be the idea of something that can explain everything else, without having to be explained itself. But its very hard to understand how there could be such a thing. If we ask the question, "Why is the world like this?' and are offered a religious answer, how can we be prevented from asking again, "And why is that true?" What kind of answer would bring all our "Why?" questions to a stop, once and for all? And if they can stop there, why couldn't they have stopped earlier?
The same problem seems to arise if God and His purposes are offered as the ultimate explanation of the value and the meaning of our lives. The idea that our lives fulfill God's purpose is supposed to give them their point, in a way that doesn't require or admit of any further point. One isn't supposed to ask "What is the point of God?" any more than one is supposed to ask, "What is the explanation of God?"
But my problem here, as with the role of God as ultimate explanation, is that I'm not sure I understand the idea. Can something really be something which gives a point to everything else by encompassing it, but couldn't have, or need, any point itself? Something whose point cannot be questioned from the outside because there is no outside?
If God is supposed to give our lives a meaning that we can't understand, it's not much of a consolation. God as ultimate justification, like God as ultimate explanation, may be an incomprehensible answer to a question that we can't get rid of. On the other hand, maybe that's the whole point, and maybe I am just failing to understand religious ideas. Perhaps the belief in God is the belief that the universe is intelligible, but not to us.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I just thought the above excerpt was a wonderfully eloquent piece of writing that so accurately captures the kind of struggle Christians have with appropriate questioning. By which I mean it seems as if every question and every dilemma has but one end and one answer, for God is all encompassing and in being so, ultimately restrictive.
The appeal to a religious meaning of life is a bit different. If you believe that the meaning of your life comes from fulfilling the purpose of god who loves you, and seeing him in eternity, then it does not seem appropriate to ask, "And what is the point of that?" It's supposed to be something which is its own point, and can't have a purpose outside itself. But for this very reason it has its own problems.
The idea of god seems to be the idea of something that can explain everything else, without having to be explained itself. But its very hard to understand how there could be such a thing. If we ask the question, "Why is the world like this?' and are offered a religious answer, how can we be prevented from asking again, "And why is that true?" What kind of answer would bring all our "Why?" questions to a stop, once and for all? And if they can stop there, why couldn't they have stopped earlier?
The same problem seems to arise if God and His purposes are offered as the ultimate explanation of the value and the meaning of our lives. The idea that our lives fulfill God's purpose is supposed to give them their point, in a way that doesn't require or admit of any further point. One isn't supposed to ask "What is the point of God?" any more than one is supposed to ask, "What is the explanation of God?"
But my problem here, as with the role of God as ultimate explanation, is that I'm not sure I understand the idea. Can something really be something which gives a point to everything else by encompassing it, but couldn't have, or need, any point itself? Something whose point cannot be questioned from the outside because there is no outside?
If God is supposed to give our lives a meaning that we can't understand, it's not much of a consolation. God as ultimate justification, like God as ultimate explanation, may be an incomprehensible answer to a question that we can't get rid of. On the other hand, maybe that's the whole point, and maybe I am just failing to understand religious ideas. Perhaps the belief in God is the belief that the universe is intelligible, but not to us.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I just thought the above excerpt was a wonderfully eloquent piece of writing that so accurately captures the kind of struggle Christians have with appropriate questioning. By which I mean it seems as if every question and every dilemma has but one end and one answer, for God is all encompassing and in being so, ultimately restrictive.
Friday, 19 August 2011
Decisions
From an article in the nytimes about decision fatigue. (http://www.nytimes.com/2011/08/21/magazine/do-you-suffer-from-decision-fatigue.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1&ref=general&src=me)
"Part of the resistance against making decisions comes from our fear of giving up options. The word “decide” shares an etymological root with “homicide,” the Latin word “caedere,” meaning “to cut down” or “to kill,” and that loss looms especially large when decision fatigue sets in."
I'm hiding behind this!
"Part of the resistance against making decisions comes from our fear of giving up options. The word “decide” shares an etymological root with “homicide,” the Latin word “caedere,” meaning “to cut down” or “to kill,” and that loss looms especially large when decision fatigue sets in."
I'm hiding behind this!
Monday, 8 August 2011
Grace
I love Grace, she always puts things in perspective for me.
Me: I spent the entire day shut in my room sobbing and listening to Skyscraper by Demi Lovato.
Grace: That is so f****** emo.
Me: I feel like I progressed too quickly. I tried to do the right thing, but I am not ready for it. That's why I am miserable.
Grace: The deed should come first, that is how you become a better person. (Okay, I must admit that I don't remember the exact words, but this is the gist of it.)
My sister, what would I do without her.
Me: I spent the entire day shut in my room sobbing and listening to Skyscraper by Demi Lovato.
Grace: That is so f****** emo.
Me: I feel like I progressed too quickly. I tried to do the right thing, but I am not ready for it. That's why I am miserable.
Grace: The deed should come first, that is how you become a better person. (Okay, I must admit that I don't remember the exact words, but this is the gist of it.)
My sister, what would I do without her.
Thursday, 4 August 2011
Understanding God
I read something the other day, which made me think of what some of the premises a Christian life is based on. It is difficult to provide the full context of the excerpt. However it is basically said by a young intellectual who is dealt a death sentence from chronic consumption. He argues against the teachings of humility and obedience for their futility against his inevitable end.
Dostoevsky's - The Idiot
"At the same time, no matter how hard I tried, I could never imagine that there was no future life or providence. Most probably it all does exist, but we understand nothing of that future life, nor anything of the laws that govern it. But if it is so difficult, even absolutely impossible, to comprehend, how could I be held responsible for failing to makes sense of the incomprehensible? Of course they tell me, and the prince along with them, naturally, that this is where obedience comes in, one must obey without question, out of pure decorum, and for this meekness of mine I will most certainly be rewarded in the next world. We greatly demean providence if we ascribe our conceptions to it out of pique that we can't understand its workings. But then again, if it's impossible to understand, then I repeat, it is hard if we have to answer for what man is not equipped to comprehend. And if so, how am I to be judged for not being able to understand the true will and laws of providence? No, best leave religion out of this."
--------------------
As Christians we are often told of the "eternal perspective" that god has and that we as mere mortals, specks in the timeline of this universe cannot possibly comprehend God's plan. We are told to be obedient and that in his time, he will reveal what little we are ready for. So much of our lives is waiting, trying to listen, waiting and obeying, all whilst trying to plaster the giant question mark ahead with faith.
Ippolit says "if it's impossible to understand, then I repeat, it is hard if we have to answer for what man is not equipped to comprehend." To a certain extent, I do see where he is coming from. We don't know what is up ahead. It is because of this question mark that the need for words like "eternal perspective" and "in his time" exist. It is because of this question mark that we cling to faith like a lifebuoy. We are obedient, we are humble, we follow meekly, and we do all these based on what? The mystery of god's infinite plan, the rough sketch we get of providence? Despite all the lack of understanding and frenetic plastering of holes with faith, we still face judgment. Judgment for a world that we don't quite understand. Judgment for the sin that we were born into (should we choose to turn away from god), Judgment from a god that we cannot wholly comprehend.
It just seems like too much sometimes.
Dostoevsky's - The Idiot
"At the same time, no matter how hard I tried, I could never imagine that there was no future life or providence. Most probably it all does exist, but we understand nothing of that future life, nor anything of the laws that govern it. But if it is so difficult, even absolutely impossible, to comprehend, how could I be held responsible for failing to makes sense of the incomprehensible? Of course they tell me, and the prince along with them, naturally, that this is where obedience comes in, one must obey without question, out of pure decorum, and for this meekness of mine I will most certainly be rewarded in the next world. We greatly demean providence if we ascribe our conceptions to it out of pique that we can't understand its workings. But then again, if it's impossible to understand, then I repeat, it is hard if we have to answer for what man is not equipped to comprehend. And if so, how am I to be judged for not being able to understand the true will and laws of providence? No, best leave religion out of this."
--------------------
As Christians we are often told of the "eternal perspective" that god has and that we as mere mortals, specks in the timeline of this universe cannot possibly comprehend God's plan. We are told to be obedient and that in his time, he will reveal what little we are ready for. So much of our lives is waiting, trying to listen, waiting and obeying, all whilst trying to plaster the giant question mark ahead with faith.
Ippolit says "if it's impossible to understand, then I repeat, it is hard if we have to answer for what man is not equipped to comprehend." To a certain extent, I do see where he is coming from. We don't know what is up ahead. It is because of this question mark that the need for words like "eternal perspective" and "in his time" exist. It is because of this question mark that we cling to faith like a lifebuoy. We are obedient, we are humble, we follow meekly, and we do all these based on what? The mystery of god's infinite plan, the rough sketch we get of providence? Despite all the lack of understanding and frenetic plastering of holes with faith, we still face judgment. Judgment for a world that we don't quite understand. Judgment for the sin that we were born into (should we choose to turn away from god), Judgment from a god that we cannot wholly comprehend.
It just seems like too much sometimes.
Wanderlust
I am so glad that I made the decision to go off to Phuket. Truth is, I just need to get away from everything for awhile. I miss being a stranger in a foreign land, the cloak of anonymity, seen as loneliness by some is a sort of comfort to me. I like wandering streets knowing that I'll never see the faces around me again.
All that said, I must admit though, the wanderlust in me has somewhat been quenched. I sense a change of heart, a pulling towards security, a stable home, a job and a family. I kind of realise that I don't want to lead a life stumbling around the world. Its not the kind of life that will bring me the most satisfaction. However, this means that there are other factors that I must take into account. I think I will soon come to the point where I have to gamble with what I personally want as opposed to what is best for stability.
All that said, I must admit though, the wanderlust in me has somewhat been quenched. I sense a change of heart, a pulling towards security, a stable home, a job and a family. I kind of realise that I don't want to lead a life stumbling around the world. Its not the kind of life that will bring me the most satisfaction. However, this means that there are other factors that I must take into account. I think I will soon come to the point where I have to gamble with what I personally want as opposed to what is best for stability.
Wednesday, 3 August 2011
Trees
I remember what it was like going down the mountain in the dark. I remember flinging myself from tree to tree, grasping blindly, ignoring the the scrapes on my fingers and the cuts on my thighs. Tree to tree, trying to stop my inevitable descent.
Its odd, but it seems to be the perfect analogy for what I have been doing.
Its odd, but it seems to be the perfect analogy for what I have been doing.
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