A decent human being

As i import songs into my newly acquired ipod, (the acquisition of which, majorly compromised my principles) its silvery sleekness proves to be unsettling to behold upon my sweaty palm. A random thought strikes me. Perhaps its time to take a quarter point check on my need to be a good, decent, morally upright human being.

I'm afraid my obsession with the above mentioned goal has reached a point where i walk around with a enhanced metal smile permanently stuck to my chubby cheeks, seeking to comfort and project the image of happy approachability. The terrible, irrefutable thought of myself as an evil human being has been stuck; with the aid of the strongest adhesives known to mankind, in my brain. Year upon year, I struggle. I form theories. I obsess. I strike up campaigns within myself. Be happier. Be lovable. Be a delight to behold. A decent human being is one that knows gratitude and practices filial piety. When we are fortunate enough to possess a drawer in other people's hearts, we must be responsible and take care of it. Care for your environment. Effect social change. The list goes on and on. I struggle to sustain them, to continue breathing life into them.

Have this endless series of campaigns, theories and supposedly life altering plans made much of a difference? Am i truly on track? Am i better human being than i was when i first started? Perhaps, perhaps. Unfortunately, a concrete answer is not readily available from the depths of my cumbersome conscience.

Nevertheless, I would like to comfort myself with the knowledge of a self more aware, responsible and one that knows the principle behind following through. Full circle or not, the line I'm drawing is a thicker one.