Preparation for studying in China

Potential bribes to bring to china:

Bak Kwa
Expensive european chocolate
US dollars :>
Someone else's singaporean passport (will have to steal it though... mmm)
My soul -.-

Phrases i must learn to say with sincerity and a charming smile in order to survive in China:

老师今天好漂亮啊！You look beautiful today teacher!

哇！老师！你的车真是正点啊！WOW! Thats a great car teacher!

老师！这件事我等了好久，还没得到答复呀！你是我最尊敬的老师。你的慈悲，像觀音一样山高海深。帮帮忙吧！

Dearest teacher, i've waited for a really long time to get a response regarding this matter. You are my most respected teacher. Your benevolence is like Kwan Yin's, as high as a mountain, as deep as the sea. Please help me!

老师我叫李佳颖，来至新加坡。以后，要请你多多帮忙，佳颖对中国不太熟悉。

My name Lee Jiaying, I come from Singapore. Please guide me along in the future as i'm not familiar with China.

I am going to get shot for writing this. HAHAHAHA! maybe i'll get deported... sounds tremendously exciting.