Over the years, I have noticed things about myself that have baffled and confused me.
A simple situation such as a conversation with an authoritative figure, or a prayer meeting would cause my heart to beat faster, my skin to feel tight and pressure to build up in my head. Whenever I travel with friends or when friends come to visit me for longer than a day or two, I wind up getting very irritable, tired and sensitive. Being in situations wherein I am surrounded by people that I do not know and trust can give me a tension headache. I need more time in bed than the average person. I get deeply affected by other people's moods and emotions. I am intolerant of pain and barely tolerant of hunger. My moods and level of alertness are strongly affected by light, sound and temperature. I am often anxious, tension filled and highly susceptible to stress. I often get pushed to the point where I need spend days in bed, windows drawn, alone. During periods of stress, I cannot even bring myself to acknowledge my roommate's presence.
I used to toy with the idea that perhaps I was depressed, or had an anxiety disorder. However, I knew that my self-diagnosis was wrong. Today, I was reading up about Introverts (which I also decided that I was), when I chanced upon the highly sensitive trait, also known as high sensory-processing sensitivity. Everything fell into place.
I now know why I am, how I am.
I am a Highly Sensitive Person. A HSP is highly aroused by new or prolonged stimulation, strongly reactive to external stimuli like noise and light, susceptible to stress-related and psychosomatic illnesses. HSPs are more easily overwhelmed. They are deeply affected by other people's moods and emotions and more aware of subtleties. They are highly intuitive, able to concentrate deeply, right brained and less liner than non-HSPs; they are highly conscientious and excellent at spotting and avoiding errors.
According to Dr. Elaine Aron who pioneered research on HSPs, 'HSPs have an uncommonly sensitive nervous system. Sensitivity is an inherited trait, that tends to be a disadvantage only at high levels of stimulation. Everything is magnified for HSPs. What is moderately arousing for most people is highly arousing for the HSP, and what is highly arousing for others is off the charts for the HSPs, who reach a shutdown point once they attain a certain arousal level.'
For me personally, the most enlightening feature of HSPs, is that HSPs process information differently from non-HSPs; HSPs process information more deeply. I have always been accused of 'thinking too much', 'being in my head', 'worrying too much' and 'overanalysing'. My roommate even has a nickname for me called '多多' because she thinks that I think too much. I have always felt criticised and shamed for thinking the way I do. Now, I know that it is natural for me to analyse and ponder. It is how my brain is wired. I go inwards.
I could go on and on about what I have learned. For tonight though, suffice to say, I feel like I understand myself a little bit better.
