To leave or be left behind

Today I write this, resigned yet hopeful.

I have been away for two semesters. The first resulted in the end of my first relationship, the second caused my next to bloom. Yet result or cause, the ending of each semester left my left hand swinging empty.

However I have through the passing of my first year learnt the difference between leaving and being left behind. When I left the first time, I thought I was the one who suffered. I thought I had to endure the pain of leaving at least 10 dearest behind while they had only one to lose. Now I know better, the excitement of a new place the seeking of a life where none of those left behind has left a mark on, the meeting of new people adds immense padding to the fall.

Those left behind however have to endure the exact same life only with a "you-shaped" hole punched into it. They have to walk down those very streets you once walked with them. They have to frequent the same stalls, pass by the house that you once filled. They have to live wondering if the excitement of your new world has replaced the place you had in their hearts. After all all 10 of them left behind miss you with all their hearts and you? You have to divide your affection by 10, your longing, your time...

Indeed it is much easier to leave than to be left behind. If I could choose, I would leave. Over and Over again.

Semester to Semester

I've been saying this alot lately.

People don't tell you the worst fact about life as an overseas student. They tell you about how there may be cultural differences, how you might miss home, how lost you might feel. Never do they mention the truckloads of people that start coming and going in your life. They don't talk about how the dorm hallways start to empty, how that knock on your door no longer sounds, how these people that have been an integral part of your life for the past 5 months suddenly disappear, never to be seen again. Most of the truckload you meet, learn from then wave goodbye to with nothing more than a bittersweet melancholy. However there are some whose departure you dread, those that make you think... "What will life here be without them?", people of whom sight of their luggage sends a jolt of dread straight down your spine.

Because the truth is you start off the semester slightly empty, lost without their presence. However, give it 3 weeks and it'll be like they were never in your life. Their apartment that you cycled to through winter to summer a distant dream, the imprints of the hands you held faded and lost. Perhaps it is that that we fear as we wave our dear friends away. The knowledge that soon they will cease to be as dear to us as we would like them to be, the fear that we too will soon be replaced by others in their hearts.

Every semester is like a separate world. Perhaps it is this transience that builds intense relationships between people.

YY! Beginning of Semester

Great pic size yeah? Just have to do minor adjustments to the Html :) totally awesome

Semester 2

Back on Blogger. This time with an awesome proxy suggested by Sam. Thank you!
So Grace is gone, summer stretches ahead shimmering with never ending heat waves.

I guess its time for a semester wrap up.
This semester was about people, confusion, grades. Three words to perfectly sum up the whole of my second semester in a communist country hahahaha!

Alright. I clubbed alot ... Then got sick of it.

I met alot of people, and then got sick of the bad ones. I met more people, and liked the good ones.

I worried about my future and my grades. I worried about the cons of living here. I got tired. I got sick of worrying.

I floated around and learnt much in the process. Then I got sick of it too.

After all the things I got sick of... I realized that I probably have a very short attention span or a very short irritation fuse. =)

I make good friends with Shandong people.

I need to work harder next semester.

I can live without Singapore... but that sentiment excludes its food.

I like grapefruit juice and tea eggs.

I now have 3 water dispensers in my room. Only one works. I have a fridge given by shuzhen (my old one died) I realised that my iron can be plugged in... I was always just too stupid to change the angle. I have 2 pots (donated too). A new shoe rack. We now have 3 shoeracks in the room...

Every semester is like a different life.

I can scold decently in chinese now.