To remember what Wabbit taught me

Wabbit passed away after 6 days of living under our roof. I like to think that it would have died anyway, and that we gave it a good few days before he had to leave.

6 Days may seem short, but he taught me so much. Even now, the space below our TV on my right feels empty and quiet.
In his memory, I must and will remember what he so graciously imparted.

1) The pain a parent feels when her child rejects her/him.

When Wabbit first came, he was extremely afraid of us. The slightest hand movement in his direction would accelerate his heart rate and cause him to tremble. The ache in my heart must have been similar to that of my mother's as I time and again pushed her away. Her's would 0f course be magnified greatly... or one would hope.

2) Responsibility

Wabbit was my first pet. To have to take care of another living thing is such a responsibility. To feed it, change its water, to entertain it, to care for its complex physiological, psychological needs. It nearly drove me mad as I strove to read its mind. Wabbit was immensely clever. It normally took him a day to escape his new enclosure... At night, I would lie in bed awake with the fear that he would escape and hurt itself. I remember sitting by his enclosure and just wondering about he was thinking. Perhaps he was trying to read my mind too.

3) The struggle in a parent's heart with regards to letting the child run free or keeping the child safe.

I knew that Wabbit wanted to leave the enclosure, he wanted to explore on his padded paws, most of all he wanted to be free. I so desperately wanted him to be happy, yet I wanted more for him to be safe. So I started forming ideas to bribe him... Perhaps I'll buy him something to play with, I'll let him run about but only under my supervision. (Never got to put them into action...) Our parents must have felt the same turmoil. The struggle to do what is right, the struggle to let go, exactly like Siddhartha and his son.

4) How to watch someone die.

Wabbit was very sick. He had seizure after seizure, he struggled to breathe, his heart stopped and restarted. Sometimes his seizures were so strong they contorted his tiny body twisting it with pain. Once he even screamed. Wabbit taught me how to watch someone die.

5) What death means.

Death creates a void. A void that will never be filled because nothing would ever fit exactly in that very unique space created for its existence.

Wabbit may have died, but I shall leave my favorite passage here for him... A passage most of you might have read before on this blog. Wabbit may be gone, but he exists as him in us, his soul remains in those who remember and were affected by him. That will be Wabbit-the Wabbit that enters the future and becomes part of it.

Boris Pasternak's-Dr Zhivago

-Well, what are you?...What is it about you you've always known about yourself? Your kidneys? Your liver? Your blood vessels? No. However far back you go in your memory, it is always in some external, active manifestation of yourself that you come across your identity-in the work of your hands, in your family, in other people. And now listen carefully. You in others-this is your soul. This is what you are. This is what our consciousness has breathed and lived on and enjoyed throughout your life-your soul, your immortality, your life in others. And what now? You have always been in others and you will remain in others. And what does it matter to you if later on that is called your memory? This will be you-the you that enters the future and becomes part of it.

Happy Birthday!

Two to three years ago I met this very interesting fella. He then proceeded to become an awesome friend of mine. Yeah sure we had some complications on our way to the solid friendship that I hope will never end. We have both changed, left the place where we met and... grew up a bit I hope. I think he grew skinnier :) Haha! But one thing has remained the same. Two years ago for his birthday I did the corniest thing. I'm not going into the gory details but... I think you remember. (I would send some over... but they might grow mold)

The message is the same.

"Happy Birthday Jit Yew. Thank you for being my boulder."

HAHAHAHA! Terrible photo I know =D
P.S. I wrote it... and forgot to post it :(

Wabit- 小甜甜

I have a rabbit. Its giving me insomnia.
Its too smart for its own good.
It likes cardboard.

Missing Leon

If I don't see Leon during the week, there is always this picture! =D Elaine! This is for you too!

Cowardice

I'm kind of cowardly...

I'm scared of myself, of things and most of all, of people.
At the moment, I'm terrified of complication. I saw it in the face and promptly did a 180! It was so fast I didn't even catch myself doing it.

Chicken, is that what you are calling me?!
Well... hahahaha! yep! Chicken here!

P.S. I TOOK THAT PHOTO! (Not one of my best... but it gets the message across)

I do not like being attacked. Be it by someone everyone thinks is nonsensical or someone that everyone is wary of. It all boils down to the fact that the person is attacking me.

I wonder if you can fly kites in the rain.

lines

I wonder where to draw the line...

I wonder where the lines are...

I wonder what are the consequences of crossing those lines...

I wonder what would people think when one crosses them...

I wonder what should I do when others cross them...

I wonder what is the right thing to do...

GRACE!

I think I've been very disagreeable lately. Apologies.

Anyway, to satisfy curiosity about my sister... flesh and blood connection (Can't tell from the way we look... But, there are similarities!) here are some photos of her! Needless to say, I didn't necessarily choose the most flattering ones. Envy, sibling rivalry... Forgive me. but these are quite okay! :)

Grace, a couple of years back. Then, this was my favourite picture of her. JH took it, not me.

My mother and her. Birthday celebration... reinforces idea that I was picked up from the garbage disposal. (In my defense, I look like my aunty when she was younger! So... I'm legitimate)

Thats her now!

Yep! She's the sweet and nice one in the family.

A whole blog post of pictures on my sister! Grace, you can't kill me. I'm in Shanghai! :)

Breaking My Heart Again

Sometimes we come across songs of our youth, these songs trigger memories and emotions previously forgotten. I had a memory of my maid/nanny/mother Wilma listening to this song. Boy, she loved "Michael Learns to Rock"... inadvertently, I love it too.

I miss her, but it was right that she left. She wasn't good for me anymore... People are like that, they bring you gladness and security for awhile. But sometimes, they choose to abuse your reliance and then the relationship turns bitter. Perhaps we should all have the strength written about in this song. The strength to walk away, the strength to end all unhealthy alliances. Lets leave the memories beautiful.

Michael Learns To Rock- Breaking My Heart Again

I'm on the floor
Counting one minute more
No one to break the silence
Staring into the night
All alone but that's alright
It's the feeling deep inside I don't like

Chorus:
There is no excuse my friend
For breaking my heart
Breaking my heart again
This is where our journey ends
You breaking my heart again

Here in my bed
Counting the words you've said
They linger in the shadows
Coming home late at night
Drunk again but that's alright
It's the look in your eyes I don't like

Chorus:
There is no excuse my friend
For breaking my heart
Breaking my heart again
This is where our journey ends
You breaking my heart again

"What do you want from me?"

I want to go up to every single person in my life and ask the all important question...

"What do you want from me?"

It'll make life so simple. Provided they are honest of course.
Mistrust is so damaging to one's psyche... If I knew exactly what people wanted from me, I'll never have to mistrust anyone! Think, a life without suspicion.

Wonderful idea... It'll be rather socially unacceptable though. Big problem would be that most people don't really know. If they don't know what they themselves want, it would be hilarious to presume that they know what they want from others.

Random comment, but I really appreciate the DUDE's efforts with regards to the timing of nature. Flowers before leaves... Marvelous arrangement. Too much beauty would cancel each other out. There really is something about the velvet of the petals against the stark gnarled branches, unhindered by the gloss of leaves. SPRING!