Monday 29 December 2008

A frozen stranger

And there he stood,
clad in a sheer green raincoat.
Backed by the substantial history of 相辉堂.
At his feet, an uninterrupted expanse of yellow withered grass.
He was riveted,
consumed by the image in his mind.

Friday 26 December 2008

选择

字里行间,
他对她的期望表露无疑。

我的这个人生过的也太自私了。新经验的刺激是我无法抵挡的毒品,一旦尝到就越吃越过瘾,一心一意想追求这个让我逃离现实的透使。今天自以为是的我才突然发觉到我是多么的堕落。脑里的恶魔甚至还跟我讲-他们是在拖累我,如果没有牵挂我就能自由的狂奔向我充满期待,梦想的人生。

我知道,对他们的思念对他们的需要根本不是他们的错!感情来自我自己呀!牵挂给予我必要的桎梏。有时我真的好想摆脱这些所谓抑制我的根。为了这些根,我得牺牲多少梦想和多少疯狂的计划。

但是,李佳颖是时候找那无从触摸的知足吧。找不到也不能怪别人。你常对别人说追求快乐是不实际的作为因为快乐是不存在的。那,你寻找的经验和梦想也是个无底洞。不知足的你,为了寻找这个你妄想的底即将会牺牲更多贴心,逼真的现实。你应该知道往哪一个方向是成熟的,明智的选择。


Thursday 25 December 2008

Them in Us

Its Christmas.

I remember Peer. Peer with the leather bracelet sorrowfully decorated with three metal circles. Each mourning a death of someone close to his heart. Peer with more facial expressions than me. Peer whose hand stretching out from a tree trunk adorns my study desk.

Some people come into our lives abruptly and leave permanently.
However, their indelible presence will forever be imprinted upon our persons.

In Boris Pasternak's-Dr Zhivago

-Well, what are you?...What is it about you you've always known about yourself? Your kidneys? Your liver? Your blood vessels? No. However far back you go in your memory, it is always in some external, active manifestation of yourself that you come across your identity-in the work of your hands, in your family, in other people. And now listen carefully. You in others-this is your soul. This is what you are. This is what our consciousness has breathed and lived on and enjoyed throughout your life-your soul, your immortality, your life in others. And what now? You have always been in others and you will remain in others. And what does it matter to you if later on that is called your memory? This will be you-the you that enters the future and becomes part of it.

Friday 19 December 2008

Eulogy to My Pink Friend

Farewell my Pink Bike.

We may have spent a short time together, but I knew where to gently nudge your mudguard when you creaked. I knew how your left brake didn't work. I knew that I must never get into accidents for you will be hurt. I knew that I had to sit further back on your seat for it was crooked. I had faith that your pedals would support my weight as I first managed to stand up riding on you. On you, I learnt to ride with one hand. On you I learnt not to fall as I carried a cup of hot soup on one hand while riding you to class. On you, I made my first explorations of Shanghai. On you, I cycled alone to set up my first bank account. On you, I suffered multiple bruises and cuts.

On you, With you, I grew up.

Thank you... I'm sorry you had to die when I wasn't riding you. Wherever you go with your new form as scrap metal, I wish you all the best. Do carry a memory of me with you, for I most definitely will remember you... my pink friend.


On a side note, let us forget all the depressing stuff and be amused at this picture from TIME's "Pictures of the Week". It captures the scene where visiting parents of new students at a Chinese university were allowed to sleep overnight in the gym. :)


Wednesday 17 December 2008

内在的邪恶

我人生里的不知足,有个伴。
这所谓的伴每时每刻都潜伏在幽暗处等待时机。
当它找到恰当的机会,它就会像恶劣电脑病毒,惊人的,彻底的玷污我的所有。

内在的邪恶到底该怎样摆脱?

它的仇敌是我自己。

Monday 15 December 2008

Some classes in China

Want to know what my professor teaches during computer class?

Look at the picture below! YES!
-he illustrates the different pens, markers and colours and thickness one can use on Microsoft PowerPoint. :)

Can you imagine your professor scribbling all over his slides? AMAZING.

By the way, i have to endure this every Tuesday night for one and a half hours. He also goes through all the different templates and side transitions. With GUSTO.



Another Class:
Marxism Journalism Theories...

For our exam briefing, the teacher separated us into foreign students and local students.

I being the curious creature I am, sat in for the local students briefing. There, she stated her high expectations for unique viewpoints, loads of out of textbook references, etc and provided samples on how we can address the exam questions.

For the foreign students briefing her expectations were...
- write more than 20 lines,
- come on time
-write 留学生 beside your name
- She told us the exam question, told us to go back and arrange the info...
- For the second question, an evaluation on News articles using Marxist theories, she told us that half our answer can be descriptive of the news article, and the rest just a simple good/bad evaluation.
-Then she concluded with... Lets just give and take a little. My expectations are not high, come on time, do the work and I'll give you a decent grade.

When i asked her if foreign students can get an A, she said well... foreign student standards are obviously not as high as the local students but... I gave one jap student and A before. ONE!

TADA! I don't know whether to be insulted, amused or grateful.
I guess how i feel is written all over Sirong's face below.
-note the raised eyebrow.

Sunday 14 December 2008

凄凉的房间,躺在床上的我被阴暗笼罩着

Saturday 13 December 2008

The impetuousness of youth!

Alas! I may as yet be the most foolhardy among them.

Wednesday 10 December 2008

YOU!

Let me take a breather from my frenetic essay writing and complain about you.

Unscrupulously you used me. Tactlessly you told me. Stupidly I helped you. Amazingly I helped you again. Shamelessly your chat window would pop up. Warily I will watch the lines forming.

Look how paranoid I am.

Sunday 7 December 2008

Home

And suddenly, I really really really want to go home.

I want to see that half smile of yours as you wave goodbye to me.

Saturday 6 December 2008

HAHAHAHA

From Miss Austen's Regret-

Scene- Young innocent niece is about to introduce Miss Austen (her aunt) to future fiancee.

Niece: Oh I'd just die on the spot if you don't like Mr Plumtre
Jane Austen: I'm weak with adoration already
Niece: Please don't expect a Mr Darcy
Jane Austen: My darling girl, this is the real world. The only way to get a man like Mr Darcy is to make him up.

Friday 5 December 2008

The Bully

It was so cold today. I stood there and watched the bullying shanghai wind try to push as many bicycles as it can out of its way. Fat, ferocious and mean, it even tried to take my ears off! I swear i thought that it was going to have its way when my ears started glowing red from its relentless punches.

When it knew that my hardy ears and fingers were going to stay on, the nasty wind stealthily switched its target and weaseled through my ears into my brain. It then proceeded to push it around and disorient the poor sitting duck. Vulnerable and moist, it started spinning and falling apart.

Thursday 4 December 2008

Its about being a decent human being.

When you ask for help and you are given it, it is only right that you offer assistance to the one who gave it to you when needed.

Do try to find a conscience.

Saturday 29 November 2008

农民子弟

Recently, I was told to write an article about my experience doing community service with 农民子弟 for GAHA. For those who don't know, every Friday I troop merrily/reluctantly down to the main gate, cross over, take 812 for 11 bus stops, get down, turn right and walk for about 200m before I reach a 村 or village (its basically a cluster of houses given a pretty name), I enter the village and THUD. Its not Shanghai. Or at least its not a part of Shanghai they would publicize.农民

I can rattle on and describe the place. I would rather not though.

I don't know how to describe what i do. I don't even know the proper translation for 农民子弟. My dictionary tells me that proper translations should be peasant children. However, i know that peasant children lacks accuracy and context. I don't know what is right for this very special, very large group of people that are discussed so extensively. The 农民 issue in China is a big one, as seen from all the emphasis put on a famous figure if he came from that particular background, the row of books in the library all dedicated to this issue and the particular attention paid by the media with regards to this group of people. 农民.

The family i teach came from Sichuan. The dad came first with an offer from a supermarket as an attendant. Mom and two sisters came shortly after. Till now, the mother of the little girl still forlornly longs for the big house they left back in the fields. When i ask her if she wants to go back, she says -he's here, there is nothing there for me. Holding the one year old girl in her hands, her backdrop being that grimy shack the size of my bathroom... Perhaps you can accuse me of being sentimental, but it evokes true feeling. 农民.

Its winter now, and they have no heater. When i ask the mother if its hard for them she shrugs and says 就穿多一点!没事!On Friday I spent 4 hours on their bed (for its the only place to sit in the house) teaching the kid. When i got back, i was paralysed with a dripping nose, a sore throat and a feverish brow. I limped to bed and only got up at 5pm the next day. For 4 hours i lived their lives. The result of it? My collapse. Amazing. My weakness and pathetic inability. 农民.

婷婷, my exuberant tutee. Often when i arrive she is off somewhere playing in the cold. Her mom would holler for her, sometimes to no avail. Finally she'll arrive, flushed and excited chattering about her day. When asked about her exam results, I'm normally greeted with a slightly embarrassed smile and a 又不及格了. Then, the optimism will start spilling out. =D HAHAHA! -but! two marks before I pass for math! and English, the highest was only a 70! Its okay. This is the second exam in a shanghai school with the locals. I'll do better the next time. -smile. I don't know what to do with the mischievous imp. She won't study and yet she somehow possesses or is infected with the supreme Shanghainese confidence that she'll go somewhere in life. She fails but she doesn't let it get her down. Sometimes i wonder if i should reprimand or praise that blind optimism. 农民子弟.

Dinner is always a tug of war affair. 不不,我们不能一直吃你们的!不可以!青菜就够了!不用大鱼大肉!啊!太客气了!肉给婷婷!不可以!不可以!好好我也吃一点=/I insist on not eating and they insist on me eating. As you can see, they often win as the mother likes to pull out her most devious weapon! -你嫌弃我煮的菜!After that, i always give in with a whimper... knowing that i cannot insult their pride for all the money in Bill Gate's various bank accounts. 农民

So what are they? :) I say, strong resilient ordinary human beings.
And what is it that i do? Now i finally know. I'm not helping someone who needs me. I'm doing it as a favor for another human being.



This post deserves the first photograph i ever took seriously as a photographer. Then, I learned something about the hobby that has since accompanied me for 7 years. Now, I just learned something about the duty and delight that will accompany me for the next 70 years. (Provided i live that long).

Tuesday 25 November 2008

A nugget of truth

Now, read Alison's stream of consciousness for the next 3 minutes till 12.56am.

!2.56, I'm at 12.53am. !2.%3 Am, its damn hard to type 12.53am. My fingers are confused. See? So awkward. Jump Jump Jump. I don't like the song playing on iTunes. incomplete. =/ change. incomplete. thinking of changing. wait i can't write accurately in stream of consciousness style. i wish i typed faster. what would people think if they saw this. ! I might be exposed! haha! no. they won't get it. No one gets it. Everyone reads what i write from their own perspective, cloudy vision roses, glasses. now they will be horrified. i can't believe i wrote that. Wow. the things i do for truth. hah! I'm bullshitting again. ooops clock 12.55. i want to continue though. this is fun. 12.55. 12.55.1 2.55 again. numbers are hard to type My hand is getting tired. can smell my supper of fried chicken and potato pancakes. ooops 12.56. can i cheat? no no. 12.56 12.56 12.56 12.56. okay okay stop stalling. STOP. stop.

This is my attempt at truth. Recently, people close to me have been writing extremely heartrending, honest to god stuff on their blogs. Inspired, i tried. However, i failed. My most vulnerable and true thoughts are too mine for someone else to read. What lies above is my attempt at providing some truth.

Saturday 22 November 2008

Food in Shanghai

Someone close remarked to me recently that i update my blog frantically. :)
Perhaps perhaps
only for my joy then.

Food photography is all the rage now isn't it? I however, only take food when a particular dish or moment really strikes me. Share my food inspired moments! :)


See how quickly the guy's hands move! Even at F2 i couldn't get a clear shot!

That aside, i suddenly remembered a friend of mine that looked up to Anne Boleyn, the notorious English lady that managed to wriggle her way to the throne. Now i wonder, what kind of person would look up to and be fascinated with Anne Boleyn? Honestly, Anne Boleyn was an incredibly smart woman, not smart enough of course as we know from her public execution. She was unscrupulous, cunning, extremely religious yet curiously immoral. I used to have a strange distasteful admiration for her. Thankfully, that disappeared with time and the building up of my moral values and sense of justice. (I would at least like to think i possess the two) Still, if one did revere Anne Boleyn, does it say something about them? A high tolerance for cruel ambition? An admiration for cunning deceit? A broader definition of what is right and moral?

I'd say that a person's "heroes" are very telling of who they are or at least what they would like to be.

Wednesday 19 November 2008

Saturday 15 November 2008

Shanghai, my here and now

I think its time to consolidate a little.

These two weeks have been the furthest 2 weeks I've lived from those at home. I have always managed to be physically away, yet keep a part of my heart and mind where they belong. However, i fear that the tendrils of thought have started detaching themselves, curling in tightly and with a sudden movement lashing up and out.

One's heart and mind seems to have a limited capacity. The more i feel here, the less i have to offer there. Problems, successes, happiness, sorrow, experiences... they are here and now. I find that if i don't share them with the people back home and thus pull them into my present, these people tend to fade from memory. Time, the little bastard is another culprit. As i live from day to day here, time between each contact with home strangely increases. A week, two weeks, a month, more. Singapore is dimming.

Do i have to choose? Is it a choice between here and there? If so, whats the right choice?


Thursday 13 November 2008

山东

我要描述山东那一趟旅游!

山东是个小型的FUSSA秋游。我是和Leon,Zhengjun,Sixi,Jiaming,Ivana,Julia,Weiming和Zhipeng着八位同志一起去的。
All in all, we visited 3 places. 曲阜,淄博and济南. This time, I did not get cheated, traumatised or overly horrified and appalled at the terrible excesses and inherent evil of human nature.

Come! Enjoy some strange photos of my fellow companions!

Amusing JuliaGlorious Ivana

A strangely bashful JMThe awesome girl that helped us loads with regards to bus tickets...

I would say that a definite upside to this trip was the interesting company. Personally, i draw my delight during traveling from the beauty that surrounds me. I loved the Chinese gardens, the slanting autumn light, the iridescent pearl on the petals of the chrysanthemums. I love the seeming mundane quality of the long roads, the hours spent traveling with total strangers. I love waking up in the morning and brushing my teeth next to some snorting old man spitting into the metal wash basin. I love meeting fellow photographers and exchanging tips with them. (I learnt something awesome from an old man in 济南! :D) I can go on and on... but i'm sure that i have made myself quite clear.



All that aside, i begin to realise that perhaps its not enough. My companions were schooled in chinese literature and thus had an acquired ability to appreciate the culture and history that surrounded us. They drew their enjoyment from a different source. The genuine excitement that flashed upon Sixi's face as he walked through 李清照’s former residence struck something within me. I am inadequate. Therefore, this time i took something different away from my trip. I took away greater self knowledge, and a drive to become more informed about chinese literature which will thus teach me about chinese history and culture. For that, I picked up a book of Tang and Song poems! Yes. I did look up 李清照’s work and yes... now,to a certain extent, I understand Sixi's delight.

The trip also brought other flurries of new revelations. I learnt more about some people and am determined to continue filling the tank.

That's Sixi.

Wednesday 12 November 2008

拿得起,放得下

这是我的新人生规则

Tuesday 11 November 2008

Red leaves

Red leaves. One of the below is constant, faithful, loyal to its nature. From the second it blooms on the wrinkled surface of a twig till the day it untangles itself and withers to the ground, it remains red. The others are changeable as opal, shedding their green and yellow glory as the winds blow. Fickle them shedding their multicolored dresses like dancers changing partners in a masquerade.

Can you tell them apart?


Mark a few lines in the poem, Song-Inconstancy in Love by Robert Burns...

Mark the winds, and mark the skies,
Ocean's ebb, and ocean's flow,
Sun and moon but set to rise,
Round and round the seasons go.
Why then ask of silly Man
To oppose great Nature's plan?

P.S.
Blogger misrepresents colours. It infuriates me.

Monday 10 November 2008

Honor

After listening to Beyonce's "If i were a Boy" on my sister's blog, intrigued i went in search for its lyrics. I was incredibly struck by something...

f I were a boy
Even just for a day
I’d roll out of bed in the morning
And throw on what I wanted and go
Drink beer with the guys
And chase after girls
I’d kick it with who I wanted
And I’d never get confronted for it

Because they’d stick up for me

I have reached a conclusion after reading the words in Red. Friends stick up for their friends. They don't condemn and judge. That's honor. To any outsider, I will defend and protect. We deserve to do what we want and be safe, for our friends will stand by us. especially here.





Thursday 6 November 2008

Where i am

Light through glass patched with rust,
a room of white gossamer.
Thick dust
smother white, matted, damp.

Tuesday 4 November 2008

Silentium Amoris- Oscar Wilde
As often-times the too resplendent sun
Hurries the pallid and reluctant moon
Back to her sombre cave, ere she hath won
A single ballad from the nightingale,
So doth thy Beauty make my lips to fail,
And all my sweetest singing out of tune.

And as at dawn across the level mead
On wings impetuous some wind will come,
And with its too harsh kisses break the reed
Which was its only instrument of song,
So my too stormy passions work me wrong,
And for excess of Love my Love is dumb.

But surely unto Thee mine eyes did show
Why I am silent, and my lute unstrung;
Else it were better we should part, and go,
Thou to some lips of sweeter melody,
And I to nurse the barren memory
Of unkissed kisses, and songs never sung.




Monday 3 November 2008

Shandong

I'm back from Shandong. It was a good trip. But...it was confusing.

Friday 31 October 2008

Love-the realization of it

When i was a few years younger in age and several years younger in thought. (or so i would like to think), i told myself that the day i fell in love with somebody, I'd know by the following scene...

A bus stop: I wait as usual for my bus after a long tiring day in school. Beside me stands, oh so wonderfully the object on whom my love is to be tested. Rather than hoping my bus comes before his (as i always do with my friends), i would wish his comes before mine.
When/If that thought entered my mind, i would know that i was in love.

To understand the above, one must have a clear picture of the social strains accompanying waiting at a crowded bus stop outside a girls school. To wait alone, i am ashamed to say...was a very uncomfortable thing... especially when you are at the age of adolescence. Then i thought, when i was willing to put my discomfort above his, i would be in love.

Today, i have a different view. :) I'll know when I'm in love upon the onset of a strange phenomenon. But this test can only happen if he lives above me and we use the same lift. HAHAHA! the likelihood of that?!
Lets set the scene...

A Lift: I live on the 9th floor, the object lives on the 15th. Every time i get out of the lift, be it at the ground floor or my floor I'll press the button 15. Just so he'll have the lift waiting for him if he ever wants to get on.

And how has the maturity of my thought progressed? HAHAHA! But there is a difference... Its no longer self sacrifice, but a more sensible priority rearrangement and respect.

A square

In a square, wherever you face you will never be able to simultaneously see anything and everything at the same time. What stretches ahead is an incomplete 3/4 of picture. If we wanted to see everything, consider everything all at the same time, we'll have to make a super human effort to spin and twirl endlessly in the middle of the square. But the spinning will cause us to lose important details and compromise our ability to absorb what we see.

I have been burdened by the sheer amount of things to consider while living on this earth. I've been spinning and twirling, trying my utmost best to see and think about everything on all sides of the square. But I've never been able to do that... which irked me. But now, i realize that perhaps we are just not made to think about everything at once. We are limited as human beings... but that being our nature, perhaps its something we should accept and embrace. Maybe that's why specialists are paid more and the phrase "Jack of all trades master of none" used as a derogatory term. We are 1.6crop bodies...full frame may exist in cameras, but not in humans. Perhaps that is why "the dude" sent us all here with different purposes. Its like a puzzle... pieced together only at the end. That means we'll have to concentrate on our own pieces for fear we add a blotchy piece to the puzzle as we were too busy looking at and trying to comment on what other people were doing.

I'll stand still on my side of the square.

Monday 27 October 2008

优生学对于残疾人士所提倡的方法

Let me share something with the chinese readers of my blog.
I would write the following in english. But i decided that its about time i learnt or tried to express some thoughts in chinese. Deepest apologies if your eyes are damaged after reading my clumsy inexpressive chinese... But one must always start somewhere.

今天的生命伦理课(Bioethics)使我恍然大悟。教授谈的是优生学(Eugenics)。其实我明白偏见在教伦理时是很难避免的。但是这位教授说的话使我浑身不安。她支持优生学,还说中国第一节的生育控制已经做完了。数量控制好了,现在要制质量。更让我吃惊的是她说第二节是随着新加坡的脚步执行的!但那不是今天的重题。只是说说让你们知道一下中国人是怎样看待新加坡的。

一直以来,我积极的支持实行优生学。因为我总是认为社会利益比个人利益更重要。如果优生学能提高人民的质量的话,为何不实施呢?但今天当教授讲到强制执行绝育,对缺陷胚胎执行安乐死时,我的心灵突然被恐惧的那双冰冷手扼住。中国这个国家一直偏向生育控制,他们的“一孩政策”是世界恶名昭著的。但少人知道的是这个政策到底执行到怎样的程度。一个好例子,有一段时间在甘肃省男女如果要结婚的话,不绝育(sterilise)是不能得到结婚证的。这我认为是已经违反生存的权利,反对人的自然过程。但是人口过剩也是一个很大的问题。我觉得凡事都要适度进行,“一孩政策”就够了,不应该强制执行绝育。而且,这还是执行在正常人生上!

能不能执行在残疾人士身上也是另一个问题。优生学提倡用避孕,人工流产,绝育的方式来除掉残疾者。赞成执行者常用的原因是残疾人士是社会,家庭和人群的负担。但我觉得这也不一定。我们不能忽略他们能带给社会的贡献。比如,有他们就能展出社会人性的一面,特别是在这种先进,迷恋金钱,冷酷无情的时代。而且,世界也有非常多残疾英雄,数也数不清。一些例子是Ludwig Van Beethoven, George Washington, Albert Einstein, Woodrow Wilson. 这样,怎能说残疾人士是负担呢?我对这方面没有研究,但是我觉得应该用利益来判断这个问题。实施优生学会不会带给残疾者和社会利益?如果一方得到利益,会不会伤害另一方的利益和生存的权利。而且,我们是否用正常人和残疾人士的两个角度和观点来做判断。我很想用 “容让别人,别人也会容让你” (live and let live)这句话来做个总结。但是我不能否定对于严重残疾者,可能执行优生学的方法利多余恶。

这只是我随便发出的一些观点。可能语文程度不够好,把意思表达错了。

Wednesday 22 October 2008

hear a song, find a song, sing a song, feel a song

Bent-Matchbox 20

If I fall along the way
Pick me up and dust me off
And if I get too tired to make it
Be my breath so I can walk

If I need some other love
Give me more than I can stand
And when my smile gets old and faded
Wait around I'll smile again

Shouldn't be so complicated
Just hold me and then
Just hold me again

Can you help me I'm bent
I'm so scared that I'll never
Get put back together

You're breaking me in
And this is how we will end
With you and me bent

If I couldn't sleep could you sleep
Could you paint me better off
Could you sympathize with my needs
I know you think I need a lot

I started out clean but I'm jaded
Just phoning it in
Just breaking the skin

Can you help me I'm bent
I'm so scared that I'll never
Get put back together

You're breaking me in
And this is how we will end
With you and me bent

Start bending me
It's never enough
I feel all your pieces

Start bending me
Keep bending me until I'm completely broken in

Shouldn't be so complicated
Just touch me and then
Just touch me again

Can you help me I'm bent
I'm so scared that I'll never
Get put back together

You're breaking me in
And this is how we will end
With you and me bent

Can you help me I'm bent
I'm so scared that I'll never
Get put back together

You're breaking me in
And this is how we will end
With you and me bent

Monday 20 October 2008

Nights lost

shoulder, face, elbow, arm, forearm, thumb, finger, body, pressed hard against the cold white expanse of wall. Skin pulled tight, squashed, contorted. Limbs huddled. Eye-patch over face.

Sunday 19 October 2008

People people people

Thats nonsense. 疯了!is nonsense.
I am perfectly lucid. Therefore i shall change it to 烦死了!
For the sake of this blog, lets just add some funny things.

Let me share with you... people in my life, and people i've come across and took notice of.

leon
YY

Photos i took on trains. Unedited. For i am much too lazy.

Brendan


N112 Amanda, Delvina.

Okay. I'm tired. More to come.

Friday 17 October 2008

疯了!疯了!疯了!疯了!疯了!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!HHHHH!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday 16 October 2008

you

And i filled your hole up with you, and yours with you. Then again i tried to fill you with you. Supplement you with you. I needed you to patch yours, and i needed you to be in you. You in you in you in you in you in you in you in you in you in you in you in you in you in you in you in you.

Saturday 11 October 2008


Today, i sat with him and together we watched the grey move thick, dense, soft across the blue. Our hearts leaped together when silver triumphed...if but for a beat.

god

Thursday 9 October 2008

The science of keeping Bananas fresh

To the good people who read this blog:

-Bananas cannot be kept in enclosed surfaces. They must be left to air and have little or no contact with any surface.

Learnt this from living without Riza! (for those who don't know, Riza is my dearest house help)

I shall share a ludicrous photo from the Xi'an trip.
Wedding photographers, prepare to be horrified... for THIS is how they take wedding photos in CHINA!


PP-ed it a little for dramatic effect. :P
Click to enlarge...check out their facial expressions! :D

Tuesday 7 October 2008

Xi'an

After a bout of joyous posts below, here is the ugly side of life overseas.
Sure, the independence is great. If you live in somewhere huge like China, ever so often you would get the chance to run off to another part without burning too big a hole in your poor wallet.
But what happens when you are vulnerable, alone with your room-mate, and at the moment-inexperienced?

In Xi'an,

- Our hostel booked before hand, refused to accept us. At 4am, we were left without a place to stay during China's golden week. (For those who do not know, golden week is one of China's major holidays. The entire country flocks to tourist destinations during this week. The crowds are choking and accommodation... what a funny word!-it does not exist.)

-The taxi driver that finally found us a place to stay-note that it was the Presidential suite in some dingy hotel. Demanded an extra 100rmb on top of the taxi fare.

-Our money was repeatedly extorted by numerous kinds of transport. Cheating, refusing to run the meter, you name it, we probably went through it.

-In order to get to a waterfall on a mountain 6-7 hours by coach away from Xi'an, we had to buy illegal tickets as the ticket people refused to sell us tickets to seats on a HALF EMPTY BUS. The man who sold us illegal tickets was in cahoots with the bus driver. Together, they took our 100rmb note and exchanged it for a fake one. This unfortunate incident was only reported to us after we were about 30mins away.

-At the mountain, we were told that without enough people, they would not take us back down. We had to wait till the next morning. Note-once again, no accommodation.

-The bus driver then sent us to a dingy motel far from civilization, next to a construction site where they were taking mud out of the yellow river. 150rmb was the cheapest room. It should have been 50rmb in a place like that. Once again, cahoots.

-Stuck on the mountain, we lost the use of our 280rmb room back in the city. Why 280rmb room you ask? Once again, as it was golden week, we could not get train tickets back to Shanghai. Illegal ticket vendors refused to sell us our HARD SEAT tickets unless we paid for the 280rmb room.

-More more, so much more. I can't begin to describe the horror and dismay that engulfed us throughout the journey.

I would apologize for the lack of craft when writing this entry. However, this was exactly what it is. Ugly, brutal, matter of fact. Cheating.

I have come out of this a different traveler. One that does not trust. No one, anyone, everyone. Walking down the mountain road at night to our dingy motel, my greatest fear wasn't the impenetrable darkness or the chance of rocks tumbling down. No. It was the sound of human voices. A whisper, the flicker of light, even a footstep gripped me with fear. I was scared. Scared of people. People. My own kind. So scared of the very people i put on a pedestal and sought after.

But photos are never ugly are they? Now see the beauty that this country does not deserve.
.
.
.
I tried to find photos. I can't. The beauty is tainted.

Alison's Shanghai Life

Here are a few photos from my life in China:

My Room. :) Please note that the beds aren't so big. Its the distortion from my precious Sigma 10-20mm.
Guess which is my bed?

Our apartment. Yep, they isolate us from the local students. (留学生) means international students. Our apartment is located furthest north on the entire Fudan campus.

Fudan's Journalism block. I have my Chinese classes here. This picture is only here to showcase our primary form of transportation. Bicycles-自行车.

More to come! :)

A different traveller

This year has been a rather eye-opening one.
I've been to the wilds of Russia, visited the Red Square and had the incredible opportunity to meet wonderful people from all parts of the world.
I've scaled a mountain, felt euphoria and the deepest of despairs.
I've slept on trains, sat on trains, suffered on trains.
I've tasted Xi'an. Felt pain in Xi'an. Changed in Xi'an.
I'm in China.

This year hasn't ended...



Drinking vodka and eating meat with random Russians on the train.

Climbing the mountain-please note pained expression.

Battling the crowds in Xi'an.

Saturday 27 September 2008

Autumn's arrival

liquid amber is dripping from the IV drip. Drip drip drip. Drop by drop, dripping into the veins of the afflicted leaves.

Someone tampered with the IV drip. Poor leaves. Poisoned in such a glorious fashion.

Friday 26 September 2008

How autum came


Autumn came swift, startling, sudden,

and sent our meager metal constructs topsy turvey twirling.

Monday 22 September 2008

I want to be a meandering river of magenta tipped leaves, endlessly flowing alongside a rigid brick wall.

Can you hear it? The ceaseless sigh of the leaves as they lap at each other.

Sunday 21 September 2008

That particular feeling

Have you ever experienced that particular feeling?

The sheer ecstasy of whizzing past old chinese buildings, on a street lined with wutongs. The wind in your hair, the sore muscles in your legs protesting their sacrifice for the little person in your head that just wants to go FASTER! FASTER! FASTER! The smug feeling as you fly past shocked chinese people, weave round clusters of koreans with leather backpacks swaying gently in the teeny tiny breeze their apalling speed generates...

ITS AWESOME! Especially on Fridays... after your last class at 3.15 in the afternoon. You SPEED back to your wonderful fake wood air-conditioned room, shower off all the sweat generated by the awful chinese summer and JUMP into your unfortunately... too hard bed. Hahaha! BLISSSSSSS

TRY IT!

Saturday 20 September 2008

Why do Asians group together?

Why do Asians group together:

-We have the same moral standards. (Higher)
-We don't strip and grind atop stages in porn-like fashion...inducing fascinated Chinese passer-bys to peep in and stare enthusiastically.
-We have good clean fun.
-Our priorities are not dominated by that of the flesh.
-We understand each other. (Think its a culture thing)

How did i derive that? Our very own Fudan international student party. Highly amusing really. I will not go into the details for fear of stereotyping.

Life here is getting overly dry. Monday looms with gloom and doom.

Thursday 18 September 2008

I know him by heart-Vonda Shepard

There's a secret path I follow
To a place no one can find
Where I meet my perfect someone
I've kept hidden in my mind
Where my heart makes my decisions
'Till my dream becomes a vision
And the love I feel
Makes him real someday

'Cause I know he's out there somewhere
Just beyond my reach
Though I've never really touched him
Or ever heard him speak
Though we've never been together
We've never been apart
No we've never met
Haven't found him yet
But I know him by heart

Am I living in an illusion?
Wanting something I can't see
If I compromise, I'd be living lies
Pretending love's not meant to be
'Cause I know my heart's worth saving
And I know that he'll be waiting
So I'll hold on and I'll stay strong 'till then

'Cause I know he's out there somewhere
Just beyond my reach
Though I've never really touched him
Or ever heard him speak
Though we've never been together
We've never been apart

No we've never met
Haven't found him yet
But I know him by heart
No we've never met
Haven't found him yet
But I know him by heart

I know someone who survived on this... Amazingly delusional yet so helplessly charmingly.

Wednesday 17 September 2008

昨日的回忆

人生如梦,昨日恍如隔世,却近在眼前。
回顾自己的过去,命运的安排真是个迷。

不断地在昨日的回忆中往返是多愁善感的做法。
我不愿意,
却身不由己,无可奈何的陷入过去的污泥中。

命运的拨弄。
人生的离离和和。

几时才能从我的脑海里革除?

Tuesday 9 September 2008

Attention Flyer Distributers

Come to China! :)

Instead of standing for hours under the burning sun, trying to get disgruntled, work weary, uninterested passerbys to take those feeble pieces of paper from your hands, just COME TO CHINA!

Dump your pieces of paper in the basket of every cyclist that passes you by! Fast, quick and efficient. Soon, you'll be enjoying a delicious cup of milk tea with your fellow flyer distributors at a quaint little chinese cafe.

*Warning! Good aim and a fast pair of hands needed!

Sunday 7 September 2008

Shanghai

Blogger is not blocked in Shanghai. Apparently, the great firewall of China is thicker in some areas and much thinner in the others. Its brilliant. Live journal is blocked though... and so is watchtvsitcoms.com... So grace, i can't read your blog. :(

This entry will mark the end of my first 2 weeks in Shanghai. Honestly, it feels as if I've been living here forever. My amateur-ly sore butt and aching leg muscles when i ride, remind me otherwise. Perhaps the people here develop calluses on their nether regions to protect themselves from the onslaught of ridiculously hard bicycle seats, classroom chairs, study chairs... well anything that was built for its comfort anyway... Awfully ironic.

Life here is really different. The culture, the people... the way things are done. In Singapore, you request and expect that things will be done for you. Here you cajole, smile, beg, and when all things fail, throw some form of authority over them (think embassy, professors etc...) Thats why what the chinese term as 关系 is so terribly important. I'm obviously not adept at it yet as my requests have not been met. :(

Culture differences aside, living here, studying here is like entering a whole new world, never before seen and experienced. Insanely narrow long wooden tables with attached wooden chairs (So narrow that if someone in the row wants to get out, everyone has to exit the row before the person can disgracefully squeeze his/her way out), Chalk boards... yep they still use them! Even in the top universities of China! Glass windows with green frames, better yet! Studying in old chinese buildings-toilets... Long indentation in the ground separated by cubicle walls, the pee of your fellow classmate behind the cubicle will flow towards "your" part of the indentation. OH! and with chinese people around, singaporeans don't deserve the "KIASU" title. The mad rush to get from teaching building to teaching building in the enormous campus ignites a mad whoosh! of crazed bicyclists, pedestrians and bottle necks! (This phenomenon must be explained... If you don't get to class 30mins before it starts, you are stuck with the last row... far far far away from the source of vital information, doomed to be forgotten, lost forever from the heater in winter and your brilliant As). Eating in the school canteen... :):):) Prisoner metal trays, with extremely oily and salty lumps gracefully dumped in its respective partitions. (5 rmb meal) Chinese students left right centre, wolfing their food down voraciously and speedily... TO GET TO CLASS BEFORE YOU! hahahaha! Studying in China rocks! I mean it. Its an experience that has brought me much pain (Chinese administration) yet so much delight. The charms of China are unique.

I'll post some photos up soon. Such delights must be seen and not only read.

I have material possessions to my name now. A fridge, a water dispenser, an iron, many chinese textbooks, and my electronic equipment. :) The first three were scavenged! YAY!

I will end this immensely erratic post, for how can you describe your life?... and go cut my hair at a KOREAN hair dresser.

Monday 21 July 2008

To my beautiful blog

Dearest gently turquoise, beautifully colour coordinated green-gray blog,

I love you.

I'm so sorry that i have to say goodbye. Honestly, my emotion generating muscle is bleeding as i type.

Drip Drip Drip Splat Splosh Splaaaaoooodch. That's my blood, dripping on you.
Do you feel it?

THE GREAT FIREWALL OF CHINA has MERCILESSLY BANNED YOU! ALONG with Xanga, livejournal, wordpress, greatestjournal, GOOGLE!!!!!!!!!! WIKI!!!!!!!!!!!! you name it, they have probably banned it. Shoot me. really. shoot me now.

argh. I LOOOOOVEEEE YOOOOOUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!! WHY? WHY MUST I SAY GOODBYE?! WHY?! WHY?!

I apologise for being so angsty.

Well, i have to move you to diaryland... its the only one of your compatriots left...that i know of anyway. So goodbye my dearest... its better that we part now than later...

Please remember... you are the classiest.

Below is the link to an UGLY BLACK RED AND WHITE PAGE...

RAWRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!! would someone like to teach me how to get rid of the BLOOODY RED words? :>

Well... bye. yes. bye. i'll be below from now on... i love you.. i'll be back in 4 years.

http://alisonleejy.diaryland.com/

Friday 18 July 2008

Preparation for studying in China

Potential bribes to bring to china:

Bak Kwa
Expensive european chocolate
US dollars :>
Someone else's singaporean passport (will have to steal it though... mmm)
My soul -.-

Phrases i must learn to say with sincerity and a charming smile in order to survive in China:

老师今天好漂亮啊!You look beautiful today teacher!

哇!老师!你的车真是正点啊!WOW! Thats a great car teacher!

老师!这件事我等了好久,还没得到答复呀!你是我最尊敬的老师。你的慈悲,像觀音一样山高海深。帮帮忙吧!

Dearest teacher, i've waited for a really long time to get a response regarding this matter. You are my most respected teacher. Your benevolence is like Kwan Yin's, as high as a mountain, as deep as the sea. Please help me!

老师我叫李佳颖,来至新加坡。以后,要请你多多帮忙,佳颖对中国不太熟悉。

My name Lee Jiaying, I come from Singapore. Please guide me along in the future as i'm not familiar with China.

I am going to get shot for writing this. HAHAHAHA! maybe i'll get deported... sounds tremendously exciting.



Monday 14 July 2008

Leaving

Seeing Chong walk through the automated glass doors of Terminal 1's departure gate delivered a blunt blow straight to my skull.

It was indeed... a preview.
Part of me goes... alison... Aren't you making too big a deal over this?

But I'll be gone. Away from the ones dearest to my heart. I'll be stranded on another land, ill equipped with my meagre grasp of Chinese. How. How can i tear myself away. How. How do i leave with the whole of me, intact. A quiet desperation is starting to creep over me.

Potent lyrics...
Bruised-Jack's Mannequin

I've got my things, I'm good to go
You met me at the terminal
Just one more plane ride and it's done

We stood like statues at the gate
Vacation's come and gone too late
There's so much sun where I'm from
I had to give it away, had to give you away

And we spent four days on an
Island at your family's old hotel
Sometimes perfection can be
It can be perfect hell, perfect...

Hours pass, and she still counts the minutes
That I am not there, I swear I didn't mean
For it to feel like this
Like every inch of me is bruised, bruised
And don't fly fast. Oh, pilot can you help me?
Can you make this last? This plane is all I got
So keep it steady, now
Cause every inch you see is bruised

I lace my Chucks, I walk the aisle
I take my pills, the babies cry
All I hear is what's playing through
The in-flight radio
Now every word of every song
I ever heard that made me wanna stay
Is what's playing through
The in-flight radio, and I
And I am, finally waking up

Hours pass, and she still counts the minutes
That I am not there, I swear I didn't mean
For it to feel like this
Like every inch of me is bruised, bruised
Don't fly fast. Oh, pilot can you help me?
Can you make this last? This plane is all I got
So keep it steady, now
Cause every inch you see is bruised, yeah

So read your books, but stay out late
Some nights, some nights, and don't think
That you can't stop by the bar
You haven't shown your face here since the bad news
Well I'm here till close, with fingers crossed
Each night cause your place isn't far

And hours pass, and hours pass, yeah, yeah
yeah,yeah

She still counts the minutes
That I am not there, I swear I didn't mean
For it to feel like this
Like every inch of me is bruised, bruised
And don't fly fast. Oh, pilot can you help me?
Can you make this last? This plane is all I got
So keep it steady, now
Cause every inch you see is bruised, bruised, bruised

I can't find a picture...

Friday 11 July 2008

鹊桥仙

鹊桥仙(七夕) 秦观

纤云弄巧,飞星传恨,银汉迢迢暗度.
金风玉露一相逢,便胜却人间无数.
柔情似水,佳期如梦,忍顾鹊桥归路?
两情若是久长时,又岂在朝朝暮暮?

Isn't it beautiful? We should all get in touch with our chinese roots.

Architectural photography

I am blogging every single day!
I feel the onset of a new obsession...

My range as a photographer is painfully limited. Biggest failing? Architectural photography. As i cannot stand to be terribly bad at anything, here goes my attempt to overcome it.