Strength

Strength. What does it mean to have it? What connotes it?
Recently, I had the dubious pleasure of undergoing a mildly trying experience. We can loosely term it the "Ribbon Cutting of Commitment". Its probably something that most people go through in the process of growing up. However, I must say that it was the various reactions coming from the people around that deeply confused me.

The theme of the experience must be strength. My best friend told me that it was okay not to be okay, and that it takes a truly strong and courageous person to face up to what one feels. He told me that it takes true strength to show, to acknowledge and admit. On the other hand, I had people judging me for being unable to keep it all in. These people profess that true strength is the ability to remain unmoved, to react with no reaction. Tears, an unhappy face, anger have all strangely become taboos. I used to be a huge perpetrator of the latter actually. Tears I consider weak, a broken heart stupid. It's only after this experience that I came to the realisation that emotional blocking can hurt. Sure, one doesn't feel anything, but it selfishly hurts everyone else who cares enough. Worse still, it is the easier option.

Blocking is more comfortable and respectable with regards to society. The former would actually inconvenience the people around you who don't care, but have to witness it. Sadly for me, happily for everyone around me, I chose the latter, a day late.

I know what blocking can do. I know that there are people who hurt because I refuse to hurt. But I don't have the courage or the strength to face up to it alone. Worse still, I have contorted my thoughts to so severe an extent that I don't even know what they used to be.