Circle drawing

To all the people in my life (Or at least those who read this blog...(I guess you can pass the message)):

There is so much I want to articulate. However, I don't have the freedom to do it here anymore. Its strange. The more you love someone, the more you keep from them. We have all sorts of reasons. We want to protect them, we hate making them feel bad etc. Boundaries, Double yellow lines, Opaque masks. I'm so tired of them. I'm so tired of treading gently around all the lines we draw up for ourselves and other people. Remember the game we played when we were younger? How not to step on cracks? It was fun back then for we knew that if we really did step on the cracks, nothing would happen. Now in the land of bigger feet, bigger ambitions and bigger boundaries stepping on the "cracks" has become a taboo. Everyone goes on and on about their personal space, their freedom, their priorities. The circle around everyone gets bigger and bigger, the space in between all of them just gets smaller and smaller. Sometimes it feels as if our own egos, our various needs, our fear of getting hurt just keeps expanding and expanding finally eliminating all chance of others getting close. The amazing disguises we give this circle drawing! They can come in the form of respecting other people's private space and therefore expecting them to respect yours, the respectful distance we keep from each other in the presence of other people for it is the civilized thing to do, we use religion, politics, society and even the idea of sex to drive wedge after wedge into the ever shrinking door for others to enter. I'm probably the most guilty offender. Just hear my theories about relationships, rooming with others, religion and of course my favourite- Personal Space. I am an absolute advocate of -Distance. Don't ask questions, Don't call people, Don't talk about how you feel. I love to keep the "Distance" by filling it with endless empty chatter, ridiculous cynicisms and of course my favourite technique... Talking about all the other people in my life (In heightened detail) so I don't have to talk about myself.

WELL. I'M SICK OF IT! While I type this post, I stand on the outside peering in. I love the Alison that is cool, distant and advocates- Personal Space. But I'm willing to throw it all away! I'll erase my circle! I'll dance when I want to dance! hug the people I love! I'll go to my sister and put my arm around her shoulder when she needs me! I'll tell my boyfriend the weird shit in my mind! I'll embrace god with an open heart! That is true freedom =D and I don't need to fly to another country to find it :)! I'll believe in love and not only hope for it!!!

But while I make all these plans to erase my gouged in circle, I accidently lifted my head. The oppressive sight of the maze of circles in front of me made me realize that... Even if I erased mine, I'll still have to squeeze through the ever shrinking spaces between the circles of the people I know.

Since I revealed so many of my personal "Distance" keeping secrets, I must persist as far as my cowardly self would allow me to. Whoever reads this blog must be quite close to me. I am now going to send this entreaty out to all of you.

I'll erase my part of the circle that is closest to yours if you would too do the same for me :)
- Tell me if you are going to take up this offer! Of course, no hard feelings if you are not. I respect your personal space =D

Love,
Alison

P.S. OMG! THIS IS SO REVOLUTIONARY! HOW EXCITING IS THIS!